If there is one thing that I will leave this earth knowing, it is that one of the ugliest and most harmful sins is judging people. It might be just me, but every time that I criticize someone’s behavior, parenting skills, or whatever they lack, I do something worse, my kids do something worse, or my circumstances make me react in a way that I never thought I would.
We all would like to believe if put in certain circumstances we would shine and do the right thing, but if we want to be honest, we do what we do, when we have to. I don’t judge anyone for anything. I know that when life presents itself, we do what we are capable of.
Judging People – One of the Worst Sins of Humanity
And I want to live in a world where people are good inside, sometimes they just don’t have the means to do the most ideal thing. So… I would dare say, if I wish humanity humanity did away with one thing, it would be thinking that we are better than other people or morally higher. Don’t get me wrong, I know that people don’t always do right, but I believe that we all possess goodness inside. But we all have a set of skills to operate mentally and physically. It is those who look down at others that I think do the greatest injustice to all.
Judging People Reasons Being Judge and Jury is so Ugly
You don’t have to walk a mile, just try some other shoes on
We are all born into different cultures, circumstances, and backgrounds. The problem that we have is we assume that we all are born under a level playing field. Black Lives Matter is an insult to anyone who hasn’t ever been black, just as white privilege is an insult to anyone who has ever fought to get out of poverty regardless of skin color.
The biggest error that humans have is to think that we all grew up the same, rich, poor, or somewhere in between. Or to think that we have a corner on bad due to anything that is systematic or universal. Black people suffer, white people suffer, white people enjoy good times, black people do too. Maybe it isn’t about what is on the exterior and about so much more. You don’t judge me, I won’t judge you… can you imagine what a wonderful world that would be?
Step Back Before Judging People – They don’t behave in a bubble
When you see someone out in public being a total ass, what is your first impression? Do you stop to look around and think about what the scenario is, what is going on in their life, what they are upset about? Or do you automatically think about how embarrassing their behavior is? When my daughter was a baby, on her 40th surgery, with ample malpractice issues and almost dying 20 times over, I had an intern come talk to me. On her way out, she left her cheat-sheet and it said point one “mom is crazy”.
First, all I could think was, “you had to write that down”? Second, I thought that no matter what I said it wouldn’t have mattered, someone already told her that I was crazy. When you believe that people live in a bubble and their behavior isn’t at all guided by their circumstances or what they have dealt with in the past, you stop listening to what is real or what their experience is.
And once you stop listening, it doesn’t matter anymore does it? So the next time you come across someone who is seemingly upset for no reason, consider that they might have a very good reason to be angry. And maybe, you can ease their pain by acknowledging instead of judging and ignoring it.
Reveling in someone’s misfortune isn’t helping no matter what you tell yourself
There is no greater sin than betraying someone’s trust or talking about them without them present to defend themselves. Many people that I know will talk about their friends to others under the guise that they are worried about them. They present it like they want some help to resolve another person’s issue.
The problem with that logic is if you are really concerned about what your friend is up to, you have an obligation to talk to them directly, not to tell others your worries. Whether your information is first-hand or rumor, the first, and probably last person that you should be discussing it with is the person you claim to be worried about. When you turn to other people and give your two cents, you are judging them and pretending that you care when really you are engaging in sensationalism.
Even Worse – Stop the Rumor Mill
There are very few times when I hear people talking about others that they are doing it for the benefit of those that they are discussing. And there is usually some sort of satisfaction in them telling you because they have insider knowledge or just want to revel in someone else’s misery and problems. So if you are really concerned about what is going on in the life of someone you know, go to them and skip the rumor mill.
However bad judging is, starting or spreading rumors is even worse, so don’t do it. You wouldn’t want to be talked about. Also, if you are someone who is with another person betraying trust, remember this tried and true fact; if they are talking about someone to you, they will soon be talking about you to someone else. It is a character flaw to the highest degree.
Anytime you say “I would never” you better hold onto your seat!
I swear anytime in my life that I have said “I would never,” guess what? I do, or they do. We all like to believe that if put into impossible circumstances, we would all behave morally and do the right thing. Unfortunately, you just never know how you will react when push comes to shove. It doesn’t make you a bad person to respond the way that you are hardwired to. Some of us think quickly on our feet, others do not. And in all of us lies the need to self-preserve.
Many years ago when my son was on travel baseball, one of the moms was very quick to judge other parents about how they weren’t doing the right thing, didn’t stay home enough, or didn’t help their children with their homework. She was always pointing out what lacked in others while insisting that she always operated above the fray. One day while we were sitting in the bleachers, the same mom was wheeling her toddler toward us in a stroller and a pop fly went off. We all yelled, “heads up” as is customary, and the ball was heading right for her.
Karma is the Great Leveler When Judging People
Now you would think, since she was so perfect and all about judging the rest of us, that her first thought would be the safety of her child. But as the baseball started to come back down to earth and head right towards her, guess what she did? She ran the other way leaving her kid like a sitting duck in the stroller. Why am I using her as an example?
Everyone quickly went to town bashing her and talking about how she didn’t care about her child. I, on the other hand, secretly knew that there is no way for any of us to be sure that we wouldn’t have done the same thing. And it wouldn’t have anything to do with how much we love our child or what type of person we are inside. So the next time you think you would do the right thing if the heat were on, bear in mind that we react with instinct. And sometimes those instincts aren’t morally guided or planned.
When say my child would never you better duck and cover that karma train is coming straight at you
How many times, in your younger days, would you look at a child throwing themselves on the grocery aisle floor kicking and screaming about wanting something. Or worse, witnessed the dreaded slap from child to mother? Yep, we have all gasped and either out loud, or with our inside voice, proclaimed that our child would never. We couldn’t ever raise a child who would behave like such a brat.
You learn to eat your words when you are the one whose child is sprawled out at the store throwing fists and a tantrum of rage. And if you haven’t ever been that mom, then likely you haven’t ever said no. So I am not sure which is worse. What good moms realize is that once you say no and draw a line in the sand, you have to stick to it, tantrum or no tantrum.
That means when they pitch a fit, you have to let it play out and be fearless enough to walk away or simply watch and let them learn their lesson. All of you out there judging that mom who seems to have a spoiled brat losing it, should recognize that they are trying to prevent the behavior, not foster it. Judging makes it easier for us to believe that if we are good parents, we don’t have children who behave that way. But let me disseminate the lie – good parents are the ones who have the courage to take the heat in public to make their children better human beings!
Stop Judging People – You never know what goes on behind closed doors
Let’s face it, we all have a poker face, some better than others. I am a person that will dance and pretend that everything is okay while the stage behind me is going down in a flame of glory – that is just how I am wired. Before you pretend to think that you know what a person is going through, their happiness level, the state of their marriage, or anything personal, stop.
There are those that can put on a good show and others who wear their misery. But presuming to know where people stand can have you missing the cues that someone needs your help. Don’t body shame someone who is thin because you think that is desirable, maybe they have an eating disorder.
Don’t shame someone who complains about their husband because you think he is perfect; maybe he is not perfect behind closed doors. Judging people by their actions on the outside is an excellent way to turn a blind eye to what is really going on in their life. Those people who seem to have it all together, may not so much. And they might be the very ones who need your help, not your sarcastic remarks.
You Don’t Judge, I Won’t Judge – What a Wonderful World it Could be!
If there were one thing that I wish humanity was born without it would be the propensity that we all have to judge others and presume we know why people do what they do. We all have hardships in our lives, some of us hide them better than others. But that doesn’t mean that you can tell the true nature of what is inside by looking only at external factors.
Before you point your finger at others, realize that it always leaves three fingers pointing back at you. Consider this – who is uglier, the person who decides that they get to be judge and jury, or the person who is probably doing the best that they can in life given what they have been given? The phrase “God only gives you what you can handle,” isn’t just untrue, it is unfair. So going forward, how about we make one change in our lives and agree I won’t judge you, you don’t judge me, and we can all get along!
