We have all heard the phrase “relationships are hard,” and we know why, they are. But there is a difference between working on a relationship to keep it strong and vibrant, and working overtime on a relationship like trying to fit a wrong sized piece into a puzzle. Being in a toxic relationship can sometimes be difficult to see from the inside. If you are struggling to decide whether you are in a toxic relationship, these are eight signs that will are tantamount to a “stop it now” sign.
1. You’re Globally not Happy
There isn’t a soul on earth who is happy all the time; even if some appear to be. We all have peaks and valleys in life. We ride the highs and wait out the lows for things to get better. But if you find that times with your partner make you far more unhappy than they do happy, that is a sign you are in a toxic relationship.
Every union goes through cycles of strife and unhappiness. But on the whole, when you think about your significant other, you should feel a sense of well-being, safety, and support; if you don’t then it might be time to cut ties.
2. There is no Such Thing as An Uncomfortable Discussion
Often in toxic relationships, two people engage in unhealthy avoidant conflict resolution. They have learned over time that there are things they can comfortably talk about and others that are off limits. If you can’t ever express your feelings of unhappiness or things that are bothersome to you, then likely you have been conditioned to keep your mouth shut.
Unhealthy couples don’t have good conflict resolution skills in their relationship, or conflict at all. Sure, it is really nice to avoid fighting and having those uncomfortable conversations. But those issues that you have will just fester and lead to resentment if not brought up and dealt with in a healthy manner.
3. You Have Sectioned off Your Life
When you are in a healthy relationship you want to share not just the good times, but also the bad. If you feel as if you have to section off a piece of yourself and hide both your failures and successes from your partner, that is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. When your mate asks how your day was, you should want to have a conversation about it. And know that it is safe to answer openly and honestly.
If you can’t, then that is a sign that you don’t feel safe sharing what you are feeling. And that usually stems from past experience of being let down, made to feel stupid, or downplayed. All of those tactics are signs that your relationship is toxic. Having a partner means that you open yourself up to tell them what is really going on inside your head. If you can’t, there is a huge problem.
4. Win at all Costs — Life is a Competition
Sometimes we get so caught up in being right, we forget that it is more important to be happy. That doesn’t mean that you let your partner win about every subject that comes up. But it does mean that you choose to pick your battles. And when to let them have it and get over it. Engaging in the “he did this, so I did that” type of mentality is a way to ruin trust. Every once in a while it is time to put the gun down. Being in a relationship is not about having the upper hand.
And if you feel like it is a constant competition to get your needs met, to be respected, and to be heard above your partner, then that is a major sign of a toxic relationship. Competitiveness in a relationship is necessary to hold your boundaries. And also, to healthily challenge one another, but it shouldn’t be the prevalent theme across all parts of your daily lives and feelings.
5. You Know Better Than to Say “No”
There are all sorts of ways that people manipulate one another in a relationship. If you unconsciously, or even consciously, know that saying “no” to your partner isn’t going to go well, then that is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. One of the biggest things that a relationship should afford is the safety to voice your needs and wants.
If you can’t say “no” to anything request or thought that your partner has, then it has been ingrained in you that saying no comes with certain uncomfortable consequences that you aren’t willing to deal with. People don’t give in all the time and do what someone else wants. And if you find that that is exactly what you are doing, you didn’t get there on your own. You have been conditioned and taught that saying no is not something that is an option. Not going along comes with anything but hurtful and unhealthy outcomes.
6. You are Walking on Egg Shells — Or Hot Coals
We all know the phrase walking on egg shells. It is that dance we do with people in our lives who we seem to be in constant conflict with. Whether it is avoiding pretty much saying anything for fear of setting someone off, or avoiding even being around them because fighting seems to be the only thing that results from spending time together — constant fear of someone isn’t a healthy way to live.
In reverse, walking on hot coals is another thing that is a sign of a toxic relationship. If you feel like you have to walk methodically when you are around your partner to get to the end of your time together without being too badly burned, then things are not healthy of good.
7. You Feel as if you Aren’t Being Heard
In toxic relationships often people feel as if what they say is not being heard. If the same arguments continue to come up time and again, and all paths usually lead in the same awful direction, then you probably are not being heard.
When two people stand their ground and go round and round about the same subject matters, that means that neither of them is willing to stop posing their own perspective and idea and listen to what the other has to say. In a healthy union, both parties feel as if their wants, fears, goals and desires are being heard by their partner – and respected. If you feel as if you say the same thing over and over and it never sinks in, then you are probably in a relationship that isn’t moving along at a healthy pace.
8. One of the Biggest Signs Your in a Toxic Relationship -You Just Don’t Care Anymore
There comes a point in a toxic relationship where for your well-being you close yourself off. And you start to build walls to protect yourself. If you find that you simply don’t care about your relationship or aren’t willing to put yourself in 100% then that is a sign you are in a toxic relationship.
In the same respect, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving it their all, that is a symptom of a toxic relationship where no one is all-in or happy. A relationship needs to have the full commitment for two people willing to put in 100% of themselves. If one of you or both of you are not there, your relationship will probably not survive well.
If You See Signs Your in a Toxic Relationship – it is Time to get out
Relationships are hard, but they shouldn’t be so much work that they become your number one albatross in life. Sometimes we get so caught up thinking about how unhappy we are and how unhappy our mate is making us that we don’t see what is probably obvious — neither on of you are happy. A toxic relationship takes two to tango.
And in the end, it really doesn’t matter who’s fault it is or who did what. If you see signs that your relationship is toxic it it either time to slow the roll and take reigns to turn it around, or dismount and find another pony ride. As hard as it is to admit that sometimes two people are just not good for or with one another, for the sake and health of you both, if see these eight signs then it is time to fix it or pitch it to find a happier and healthier you #bebetterbebella
