When you marry someone, it means that you love them enough to commit to being all that they need you to be. That means sometimes putting yourself aside and caring more about another person’s needs than your own. But what is it that guys want? If you are confused about what the qualities of a good wife are, you are not alone.
No one thing will make you the perfect pick and the one that your husband would choose again and again. But some things signal not just that you love him, but that you help to bring out the best in him. After all, the best qualities in a mate are the ones that bring out the best you in you. So if you want to know what things will have him adoring you forever, start with the basics.
11 Qualities of a good wife
1. You are not his “yes woman”
We all know that woman who seems to turn a blind eye to the bad and neglectful behavior of her husband. Being dismissive and not holding your man accountable is not a good quality for him, it is a way to avoid a fight.
But when it comes to marriage, it isn’t about doing what will keep him placated, it is about doing and saying the hard things that he might not want to hear, but he needs to. No, it is not okay if he quits his job because his boss yelled at him, and you know that. So don’t be his yes woman and not hold him accountable. You aren’t doing him any favors. And you also aren’t being real and honest with him.
2. Stand by Your man
I know, that doesn’t sound like the voice of feminism, but stay with me here. No, you shouldn’t be like Hilary Clinton taking one for the team by standing with a man that humiliates and lies to you. But there is something to be said about standing by your man.
So he acted like a jerk at the party the other night and someone is commenting about it. You know who he is inside and what he is really made of, so stick up for him and have his back. One of the best qualities of a good wife is sticking with him through thick and thin. You don’t always have to like him, but you did promise to love him.
3. Be his cheerleader
What a guy really wants from the woman that he is married to is someone who looks up to him and admires him. Guys don’t take criticism very well. Most think when their wife says something negative, they are putting them down. And they hear it a whole lot more harshly than we ever mean it to be.
Instead of talking about all the ways he is doing things wrong, or what he isn’t doing, praise and emphasize what he is doing right and how much you appreciate it. You get more bees from honey and stung from vinegar – just remember that. Think twice about how what you say comes across to him, and try to make a note of those things you say that tend to hurt him.
It is often our own insecurities that cloud the way that we perceive the things that are said to us, so give him a break and don’t beat a dead horse. Inside every man is the little boy who is just looking for the approval and acceptance of the woman he loves. Accept him and focus on the positive. Positive reinforcement works so much better than shame and negativity.
4. Make him a priority
I know that things can get super hectic and when you have kids, they necessarily have to come first sometimes. But not all the time. You married him because you love him and want to be his partner. Don’t drop him and put the kids above his needs every tine. Just because your children need you, that doesn’t mean that he stopped. Think about the ways that you used to make him smile.
Do the little gestures that let him know that he is still your number one. It isn’t that hard to put your boundaries up and make your marriage front and center. The best families are the ones where two parents make one another happy and feel significant. And that is what you should focus on.
The kids will be fine if they have to figure their homework out on their own so you can sit and ask how your husband’s day was. If you wait until bedtime, you will both be exhausted and burnt out. And not many cherished moments or deep conversations happen after your both planted in front of a television hoping for some sleep.
5. Never stop dating
I know, who wants to shave their legs year-round? You know that no one will see your legs, but that doesn’t mean that he wants to rub up against prickles. A guy wants to know that you still care about how you look. And also, that they are important enough for you to do the little things that turn him on and make him feel sexy.
Hit the gym, don’t lose the mystic that you used to have, put away the sweet pants, once in a while, and plan some sexy new stuff. What goes on in the bedroom is usually a reflection of what is happening in a relationship. Keep the magic alive any way you can. One of the best qualities of a good wife is the desire to stay pretty and sexy, and even if you don’t feel like sex when he wants it, do other things to make him feel loved.
6. One of the best qualities of a good wife – be appreciative
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there is NO harder job on this earth than a woman’s role in the household. Your day never ends, what you do is rarely noticed, and there are not many occasions when people say “thank you.” Sure, he goes to work and doesn’t have to worry about the clothes, grocery shopping, picking up the kids, paying the bills, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t pulling his weight.
It becomes easy to play the equity game of tit-for-tat, but where does it get you? People do things for one of two reasons, they want to make someone feel good, or they want the praise from someone for doing something good. Which one do you want?
Do things because you love him, and stop playing the “I did more” game. It will lead to nowhere good. And you also wouldn’t want him comparing what he does to what you do. Likely, you have no idea the things that he is shouldering behind the scenes for you – so, be grateful.
7. Never settle
I asked my husband one time “babe, if I got fat, would you still love me?” His answer to me was maybe not. Although upset at the time, he went on to explain that he knew me well enough to know that if I was fat, gave up on my looks, settled for being less than I could be, that it would make me unhappy, and I wouldn’t be the best version of me.
And if I was not happy or the best version of me, then it would be hard for him to continue to be with me. So, although a bit extreme, I got it. One quality of a good wife is taking care of herself and continually trying to be her best version. It isn’t about looks, or aging, or what the scale reads, it is about how you feel about you.
If you don’t feel good and take care of yourself, then it is likely that you won’t be happy, in general, or spread that happiness to the people around you. If you want to be a good wife, care about you, take the time you need to excel, better yourself, and continue to grow. And what you will see is that your happiness will radiate to your husband and your entire family.
8. Be positive!
f there is one quality that every wife should possess, it is optimism. It is really easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day and to start to see all that is wrong around you. That doesn’t do much to bring out the positivity in the environment that you live in. If you approach things in your life with a positive outlook, then your words won’t come out so defeatist and stressful.
Also, one of the best qualities of being a good wife is the ability to pick your battles. You don’t have to read him a list of all the things that are broken, wrong, and irritating to him when he walks in the door. Yes, absolutely married couples should shoulder the burden of their lives, but there is a time and a place, and a way to present what you are worried about. And that time isn’t necessarily when he walks through the door, or when you are super upset and aggressive. Take a breath, then take steps to deal with the problem, and bring him in only when you need to.
9. Be forgiving
Follow me here because I KNOW that I can’t be the only woman who says “I forgive you,” and then pretend that it is behind you. But the minute that they step over the line and say things that really piss you off, you are pulling out your backpack list of things that you said you forgave but were really holding onto as a tool in your fight arsenal. One quality that will keep your guy happy and adoring you is true forgiveness.
If you say you are okay with something and that you are going to leave it in the past, pack it up and ship it mentally so far away that it can’t come back. Holding onto grudges is not one of the qualities of a good wife or one that makes for a blissful existence. Leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Or say that they are not forgiven. You can’t have it both ways.
10. Occasionally bring him flowers
Women like to get flowers for no reason at all. It is a sign that a guy wants to please you and is willing to go the extra mile to make you smile. There are things that women can do like cleaning and cooking, but guys don’t really see those things as “extras,” they see them as rolls. If you want to make your man happy, take the time to please him.
One of my friends told me once that a blow job is like flowers to a guy – spontaneous and leaving a lasting impression of love. Those nights when you really aren’t into it – give one for the team. That is one way that men hear love, whether they admit to it or not. One of the qualities of a good wife is knowing what he needs, even if you aren’t into it at the moment.
11. Compliments are needed on both sides
Although compliments are usually associated with women, guys love to get them just as much. A man wants to know that his wife still thinks he is attractive and would choose him over again and again. If it has been a long time since you have told your man how amazingly handsome he is and how you still get butterflies, he can begin to feel like you aren’t into him anymore, especially as the years pass.
My rule of thumb is to compliment as much as I would like to be complimented. And also, which is a must, to be sincere about what you are praising, not some cheesy I am going to throw this random comment about you out. Guys know disingenuous as much as we do. And nothing is more pandering than knowing someone is saying something to make you feel good, when you know deep down they don’t mean it.
There is no one quality or even a list of ten of them, that makes anyone a good wife. But there are certain ways that you can conduct yourself that will enhance your man’s life. The phrase happy wife, happy life is the same in reverse.
If you put the energy into making your man’s life happy, he will return the favor, and your life will be so much more peaceful, filled with love, and you will enjoy much better intimacy. It doesn’t take much to put your husband in the forethought of your mind, and what you get for doing it, will come back tenfold!
