Anyone who has ever said that marriage is easy must either be lying or single. The truth about marriage that is hard to accept is that there are many ups and downs and times when you are ready to throw in the towel. But there is a difference between ups and downs and just downs. Knowing how to distinguish if you are hitting a rough patch or your ride has been totaled by a pot hole will save you a whole lot of anguish and allow you to move onto a more healthier existence – on your own. If you secretly, or overtly, feel this way, then it is time to end it and consider it lessons learned. There are some top unhappy marriage signs to help you decide.
Top Unhappy Marriage Signs – Red Flags It’s Time to Get out!
You Spend More Time Fighting Than Laughing
There are going to be peaks and valleys in every relationship, no matter how good it is. But if you find that there are only valleys without peaks, you deserve to laugh and feel joy. You shouldn’t sit in angst letting your life pass you by, you know the difference between being generally happy and misery.
You Feel Alone and Invisible
The cornerstone of a happy marriage is communication and getting your needs met. If you have made your wants and desires known over and over, and they refuse to acknowledge them or you, then it is time to get out. It is one thing to be alone and lonely. And it is an entire different thing to be with someone and be lonely. At least when you are alone you can look for someone, when you are stuck, well, you are just stuck!
There is Constant Drama
You are “that couple”. We all know what I am talking about, the couple that rarely gets invited anywhere because you can just feel the tension rolling off of the two of you. Or, even worse, you have stopped talking about how miserable you are because you just get the eye roll. I hate to say it but friends and family are only supportive to a point. And that point is seeing how unhappy you are and giving you advice that you don’t heed or want to hear. No one can live in a constant state of drama, your adrenaline system can’t take it forever!
Your Arguments Have no Ending – it’s Like Living on a Roller Coaster
You fight about the same thing over and over. In fact, your significant other almost appears to be doing exactly the things that they know will hurt your feelings and your relationship. If you have sticking points that no one is going to compromise about or make right, then I am sorry – there is probably no resolution besides leaving and leaving the arguments behind.
Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Your Significant Other and Tell you
Your friends and family love you. And they probably put up with your spouses behavior from the start because they wanted to support you. But after seeing someone beat up and bruise you emotionally, the people who love you most are going to start to not like them very much. If the people in your life tell you it is time to quit – it is time for you to quit.
[Do you Have These Top Unhappy Marriage Signs and Think it Might be Time to Move on? Take This Quiz to Find Your Answer]
You Feel like a Fake
When you are in an unhappy marriage, it can be hard to pick yourself up from day to day. But you have kids, a life, friends, and family so you can’t lie binge watching Netflix depressed about how bad things are. So, you put on your big people pants and brush it off so no one knows how you feel inside. If you feel like you spend all your time telling everyone how okay you are, when you are so not okay, that is no way to live!
You Don’t Have any Sexual Feelings for Your Spouse
The thought of having sex with them makes you shutter. You make up excuses, do things for them so that you don’t have to be touched, and have completely disconnected and don’t feel the same passion for them, that is a super big red flag.
You Feel Like you are Giving 99% and They are Giving Less Than 1…
Nothing can make someone feel more unhappy than giving something their all and receiving nothing in return. If you stay home take care of the kids, the house, the mortgage, the everything and they are living the single life, that isn’t marriage anyway. You are in a one-person relationship whether you want to realize it or not, you are already alone.
You’re Anxious and Worried all The Time
Being unhappy can make even the most assured and confident among us worried and tense all the time. If you have never been someone with high anxiety, or depression, or even jealously, and now you can’t seem to make the voices stop – that is your inner self telling you that things are wrong and need to change.
Your Heart Sinks When They Walk Through the Door
Do you remember when you did something wrong and a kid and you heard your parents voice or them opening the door to your bedroom? If you have that feeling when you hear their car drive up, the garage door being pressed or the front door clicking, no one should live in fear and it isn’t going to get better.
You Secretly Wish They Would Just not Come Home
If you secretly wish that they would just not come home, but they still do. And you deep down feel guilty that you wish that they would ever come home. It is an internal conflict that you shouldn’t have to hide or feel remorse for.
You Have Threatened Divorce to the Point Where it Doesn’t Even Sting Anymore
Can you remember the first time they said that they wanted out or that they wanted you to leave? If you can’t, then that is a really bad sign. People sometimes push their mate to change their behavior by threatening divorce, but if it is something that either of you says often, then you are both probably wanting out. One of the biggest top unhappy marriage signs is thinking that you’d be better off getting out.
You Separated, Got Back Together, and It Still Doesn’t Work. If it doesn’t work once, it aint going to
don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news but if you tried really hard to stay together and found it so miserable that you simply couldn’t. When you get back together it always seems like things are going to get better, mostly because you are both on your best behavior. But we are creatures of habit and will always gravitate toward what we know. There are times when people can love one another, even be in love, but just not be good or healthy for one another.
You Cross all Personal Boundaries
When there are no worse places you can go in the heat of a fight you have hit rock bottom. If you hit rock bottom and don’t change the patterns or the behavior, you aren’t ever going to get out of your rut. Yes, there are some things that you can’t take back and they won’t heal. And if you have both gone down that road, then there might just be no way to unring that bell or heal. And without healing and forgiveness, there is no marriage, period.
You Find Yourself Doing and Saying Things you Never Thought You Would
Remember how you saw that child in the grocery store when you were in your 20s, and they slapped their mom right in the face. You probably said “I would never.” When you find yourself doing and saying things that you haven’t ever before, being uglier than you could have ever imagined, or just being someone different from who you are or want to be, then the relationship is causing negative changes in you, and there isn’t anything happy about that.
There is Lying in the Relationship is a Top Unhappy Marriage Sign
There is only one comment to make here – without trust, there is no relationship. If you catch them lying once, we all have one white lie, but if it is a perpetual thing and they show no remorse when caught, you are in an unhappy marriage and need to move along and find a way to be happy on your own,
They Care More About Themselves Than They do You
You can’t be in a happy relationship with a narcissist, no matter what people want to tell you. Sure, there are some people who can look the other way and ignore their selfish significant other, but at a certain point, you need someone to care about you as much as they do them. And if that can’t happen, then the relationship can’t happen anymore. One of the most significant top unhappy marriage signs is indifference, or caring less about your significant other or them you.
They Talk About you Behind Your Back Mercilessly
Shit talking your partner is a surefire way to find yourself in divorce court. Not only does it reflect poorly on your marriage, it creates a cancerous bubble around the two of you that is very hard to stop. Negative breeds negative and as hurtful as it is to have someone call you a name, if they are calling you names behind your back, that is just ugly. Two people should be able to keep their arguments to one another and a couple has to have one another’s back not be the ones with a knife in it!
You Fantasize About Other People – Constantly
Married people still fantasize about others once in a while. But if you find yourself fantisizing about just about everyone and how nice it would be to be with them, guess what, you are wishing that you had a different life than you do and you are in an unhappy situation.
You Know That You Would be Happier Without Them
It can be scary to move along from a relationship. And even if it is you who calls it quits, you may still have doubts about whether you are doing the right thing or you are going to regret it. If you know in your heart that you will be happier once the bandaid is pulled off, go with it and stop talking yourself out of leaving or letting fear guide your decisions. If you have most of these top unhappy marriage signs, it might take a while, but life will be better once you make the break or fix the problem.
You’ve Made Your Issues Known and They Refuse to Change Their Behavior
Marriage takes compromise. If you keep compromising and they won’t, they don’t respect you, care about you, and they aren’t willing to change any part of themselves for you, the reason? They are gaining some benefit from making you unhappy and that is not a happy union.
When you Look Around You are Always Dateless
We all have to do things on our own, but if your plus one is always a plus none, then you are already living alone, so making the break won’t be much of a change besides the mental part of it.
They Don’t Care About Your Accomplishments or Really Anything About you
When you are married to someone they are supposed to support you and relish in the things you love and your accomplishments. If they never ask how you are, what you are up to, or even know what you do day in and out, then you aren’t with the right person. You aren’t living their life, you are supposed to be living your life together – don’t let them silence you, it isn’t cool or fair.
Love Feels More Like Addiction Than Love
If you start to get some sick satisfaction from hurting them and being hurt by them then that isn’t love, that is an addiction. We all have things that we get a high from, maybe yours is the drama of the adrenaline. Either way, whatever you are gaining from your battle Royale, it isn’t happiness, that I can guarantee.
You Let Them Walk All Over you Because you are Too Afraid not to
You shouldn’t ever sacrifice yourself or your feelings our of fear of reprisal. If the person you are with shouts you down, intimidates you, or has made it clear that you confronting them will be met with emotional abuse, it is abuse and it is time to leave.
They Threaten to Leave
One of the biggest signs you should leave an unhappy marriage is verbal manipulation. You need unconditional love to have any real intimacy or security and if they leave you feeling insecure and always on your toes, that is nothing unconditional about that – that I promise!
They Tell you They Aren’t in Love With you
If someone tells you they aren’t in love, they aren’t just teasing. It is very difficult to utter those words to someone, and if your spouse has uttered them to you, no it is not just hyperbole, they are telling you the truth whether you want to believe it or not.
When the Shit Hits the Fan, They Find the Exit
One of the biggest benefits that married people enjoy is having someone to support them. The person who can’t find the exit quickly enough when things go south is not a mate that you want to keep around. Marriage means in good times and bad, they can’t choose only good times and think that is healthy or acceptable.
They Hide Things From you
Hiding is no different than lying, don’t let them tell you otherwise. And someone who lies to you, does not love you, I am sorry to say.
You Suspect They Aren’t Trustworthy
That inner voice telling you something is wrong isn’t wrong. You can’t possibly be happy when you are always looking over your shoulder or nervous that something is going to blindside you. That sinking suspicion is reason.
You’ve Taken Steps to Protect Yourself if Things go South
You have started hiding things because they do and you don’t want to be caught off guard when they walk – that is NOT love or a marriage and it is time to really protect yourself by getting out now.
You are Asking This Question and Already Know the Answer
‘Nough said
If You Have These Top Unhappy Marriage Signs – It May be Time to Get out!
Happiness is a state of mind that you can’t possibly hold onto 24/7, but it is also a general disposition that you have that your life is what you want it to be, you are with who you want to be, and the good times outweigh the bad. If they don’t, what are you wasting your life for. I am all for the notion that people can change, but ask yourself this, are they, have they, will they?
If you are tired of crying, being alone in a relationship, and looking over your shoulder, it is time to find happiness again without the person making you so unhappy. Life is too short to be stuck, put on your big people pants, have a plan to move along, and change your life – it isn’t going to change itself. Don’t ignore the top unhappy marriage signs, heed their warning!
And I promise you as hard as it is at the start, you will wonder one day why you waited so long to care about yourself more than you cared about the happiness of your spouse. The only person you can control or make happy is you, so start doing that TODAY.
