The notion of happily ever after never did humankind any favors. We grow up believing that we will find our prince and everything will be just perfect. Even for children who grow up in dysfunctional families hold onto the dream that they will somehow do it differently. The problem is that marriage is hard work, even for those who get along. Don’t you wish someone could give you marriage advice that works?
Living with someone day in and day out, raising children, having bills, and a mortgage and all the other shit that comes with adulting can drive a wedge into the most perfect couples if they aren’t careful. The good news is that I have seen many successful, respectful and yes, in love, partners who lie fruitful, and as happily ever after existence as possible. What is their secret?
These are the best pieces of marriage advice that I found to be true
Never Stop Dating
The problem that most couples run into after they say “I do,” is that they stop dating and trying to impress one another. Being in love is an incredibly amazing feeling. And although it does necessarily have to pass into other types of love, that doesn’t mean that you have to necessarily lose the heat.
For your marriage to not just survive, but thrive, you have to continue to care about being the best version of you on the inside and outside, not get too comfortable that you stop caring about attraction, and work to make a physical connection, even when things are overwhelming. Put time aside for your partner, like real time, and make sure to do something fun at least once a week to keep the magic alive.
Have Boundaries That are Never Crossed
When you say something, even if out of anger, you can’t take it back. Like a bell that can’t be un-rung; once it comes from your mouth, it will create a little ripple in your partner that can tear away at the trust you have and the way that they perceive you and you, them.
Never resort to name calling when arguing, withhold hurtful comments even when you want to blurt them out, and walk away when things get too heated. The key is to calm things down before you both say things that you don’t mean.
There has to be some level of decorum about what you say and what you don’t. Because once you have hurt one another with your words; you will necessarily begin to put up walls to keep one another out. Those walls are what lead to the disconnect of unhappiness and resentment.
Be Honest
If there is one thing that all good marriages are based on, it is trust, period. Always be honest with your partner, even if it isn’t easy or comfortable. Don’t lie to keep the peace or to keep them from getting angry. When they find out you have lied, no matter how minuscule, they will lose a little more faith in what you say and who you are.
And once trust is gone, it becomes very difficult to live in a happy marriage. The beauty of marrying someone is that you find that one person who you can be open with, who you can be yourself with, and who you can trust to provide unconditional love. If you don’t trust, there is no such thing as conditional love or being genuine, and that is not a very comfortable or safe way to spend the rest of your life.
Go to Bed Mad as Hell!
The worst piece of advice I have ever heard anyone say is never go to bed mad. You know why? Because that means you keep at it all night trying to resolve a conflict when you are both upset, unwilling to yield and tired.
That is like the worst storm possible for things to get really out of control. It is totally okay to go to bed mad, in fact, that is what you should do. Just make a pact with one another that you will lay your head down when pissed, but be willing to sleep it off and in the morning try to revisit what the conflict was when you have both had time to rest and go to your preverbal “corners”. Staying up to hash it out is like the worst possible thing that you can ever do.
Find Things That are all Yours!
After you are married for a while you start to forget those things that you used to do together or you lose interest in the things that you used to enjoy as your life stages change. If you had an awesome time hitting concerts, getting drunk and passing out, but you now have kids and those days are behind you, it is easy to start to drift apart.
Find things that you enjoy doing together, even if it is binge watching a Netflix show, or just laying in bed to watch a movie on the weekends. Never stop trying to rediscover the things that you love about one another and the common interests you share.
Vacations are a Must
Getting caught up in the day to day is exactly what you have to do when you are married. You have your work, they have theirs, and sometimes it can feel like you are two ships passing in the day or night;. Make sure to take a weekend away together at least twice a year.
When you are together without the stress of kids, work, or even extended family, you can get to know one another again, talk about things other than bills, and be free to explore and do what you want without interruption.
There is nothing that rejuvenates a couple more than a weekend away staying in bed naked if that is what you want, hitting the bars to drink all night if that is what you do, or just sleeping in on a Saturday without any little creatures in your bed to wake you up. Take time to be a couple; make it a priority.
Know What Your Individual Roles and Expectations are
You grew up with one set of parents and they grew up with another. Couples often exist in very different ways and different roles. The worst thing that you can do collectively is to assume that the other person knows what you expect from them and vice-versa.
Some people are more traditional, while others are more progressive. Don’t assume that just because you both have similar ideology that you understand what your roles and responsibilities are unless you have expressed and talked about them.
If you are waiting for them to do something and they don’t, that doesn’t mean they are necessarily trying to make you mad – they literally might not know that they are supposed to cut the lawn or take out the trash. Be very clear if there is something you need from them or the other way around.
Empathy is Key!
No two people ever experience the same thought process or emotions when dealing or handling a situation or argument. The problem that most people have is that they only have the ability to process how they feel and they quickly ascribe intention to their partner’s actions.
Before you begin to accuse your partner of wronging you or seeing only your side to an argument, consider how they might perceive what happened. Maybe they didn’t mean to make you upset, maybe they didn’t see what they did as hurtful.
When you can try to put yourself into someone else’s shoes you might find that an argument is much more easy to navigate and a whole lot of the anger that you feel can dissipate quickly. If you are able to see your partner as good and not intending to hurt you; you might find that there is really no argument to be had.
Best Marriage Advice Ever – Always Speak Highly of Your Partner
If there is one thing that can ruin a marriage it is talking negatively about your spouse behind their back. We all have times when we are upset and we want to vent to those close to us. But there is a difference between venting about how you feel and the situation you run into and disparaging your spouse.
You should awakes refrain from trying to taint your friends and family to get them on your side. In a marriage there should be no side, and talking to people who will tell you what you want to hear, will not help the situation. If you need to sort things out, go to those people who know both of you and love both of you and want the best for your relationship.
DO NOT go to parents or close family members, they will take your side even when you might not be right. And they will also form an unfavorable opinion about your mate that could end up doing a whole lot of damage overtime. Keep your ugly to yourself and between you or it can be a cancer that will tear y’all apart from the outside-in.
Always Protect Your Partner
One of the most critically important marriage advice topics I can give you is always protect and take your spouse’s side. There are times when you might think that they went a little too far, or that they might not be exactly in the right, and that is something you can discuss with them later but if anyone is saying something ugly about your partner, stop them dead in their tracks.
Not only is it important for you to talk positively about your significant other, it is critical that you never let anyone else say a curse word to or about them. Your partner is the one person who you have a responsibility to defend; they are your number one person and priority. So, whether it is your mother shit-talking them or your bestie – don’t stand for it. That is the one thing that you have a responsibility to do if nothing else.
Compliments Never Get Old – As Old as You are
Not only is it important to continue to be grateful for the things that your partner does, it is important to compliment them and let them know you are proud of them and proud to be with them. We all want to know that we are loved and appreciated, but sometimes we just start to take things for granted and fail to see all the amazing things that our spouses do and possess.
Every day try to commit to saying at least one nice and positive thing to your partner about who they are, how they look, or gratitude for what they do for you. Never stop telling the person you love most that you love them – it truly NEVER gets old.
Do the Little Things
Remember how fun it was when you first started dating to get a text message from your partner? I bet that it is still as fun, as long as it isn’t something as mundane has “what is for dinner”. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you should stop doing all those little things that say “I am thinking about you”.
Something as simple as sending them a funny meme at work, or a sexy photo or message about what you want to do later can literally transform their entire day. Positivity is key in a relationship to stay happy and to find bliss, so never stop thinking of new ways to brighten their day – and you will have very bright days together.
Marriage is Hard Work – But Totally Worth it!
Marriage is hard work, but it is also the one thing that you can depend on to find stability, safety and friendship if you do it right. Don’t ever get too comfortable, take your partner for granted, go past the boundaries of respect, or treat them with anything but empathy and kindness. Sounds totally easy, right?
Well it isn’t, but I will tell you it is totally worthwhile and will make your life more fulfilling that you can imagine for the rest of your days. Will you have a happily ever after? Maybe yes, maybe no, but if you follow this advice you will have a happily more than unhappily ever after and if you can do that – consider yourself blessed. Just continue to be the best version of you.
