We all know that person in our lives who always appears to be way more upbeat and positive than is humanly possible. And I know what you are thinking… “there is no way that is real”. The reason we all want to believe that a truly secure and happy person is putting on a show is because it seems too hard and impossible to be that up all the time. But it isn’t just for show, some people just have that spirit of “can do” and “look on the bright side” built in. Although no two blissful couples are the same, there are 8 habits of a happy couple that tend to increase marriage satisfaction.
Habits of Happy Couples
When it comes to a happy couple, it is also hard for us to accept that two people never have a bone to pick with one another, that the constant hand holding isn’t just to make us all feel badly that we can’t always be there. But for all you naysayers out there, the reality is that it probably isn’t just for the outside world’s benefit or for appearances sake – couples who do these ten things are more happy and fulfilled in life, afford better health both mind and body, and stay together for the happily ever after.
If you want to have marital bliss, it really isn’t as hard as we sometimes make it out to be. Although it doesn’t always come naturally, choosing these ten habits that happy couples share in common, will make the world envy you. Will you be happy every minute of every day together, of course not, that isn’t a real thing. But you will find a much better way of living a more satisfying life together and avoid a lot of the struggle that goes on in marriages that don’t need to.
8 Habits of a Happy Couple – What do They all Have in Common
1. Never Assume Intention
One of the hardest things to do in any relationship is to not ascribe intention to the actions and behaviors of the other party. Most couples get in a rut of thinking that their partner is doing something on purpose to make them upset or angry. When you see your relationship through the guise that the other person doesn’t have your best interest at heart, it is easy to get caught up in a negative cycle of resentment and anger. If you have told your husband a thousand times not to leave his socks on the floor and he does it again, it can be frustrating and irritating.
But don’t assume that he is ignoring you or that he is intentionally putting them there to make you mad. We are all creatures of habit, and sometimes we do things completely unaware of the other people in our lives because it is something that we automatically do. Before you blindly assume that your mate continues to do something to anger you, ask yourself why they would want that? They certainly can’t want to fight with you about a pair of socks or have you walk around with resentment all the time.
If you live your life assuming that your mate isn’t doing anything on purpose to upset your day, then you will see the sock incident for what it is – him being him. Sometimes we just have to accept certain things about the other person, like he is a slob, and get over it. No one is perfect and if all he is doing is leaving his socks in the room, count your blessings that it is that benign, irritating yes, but benign.
2. Patience
Some of us were born with more patience than others. Patience is not one of my strong suits, and I always assume that people should be on my schedule, especially if I have told them the game plan. But not everyone considers time to be of the essence or has the skills of time management. If you notice that your mate has an issue with being on-time, give them the leeway of adding on a little padding so that they have just a little wiggle room.
And if they can’t or don’t always live up to your expectations, give them a break. Likely you have some quirks that they overlook time and again. Patience means stopping and taking a breath before reacting and maybe compensating a little to find a happy medium between your personal patterns and theirs.
3. Productive Arguing Instead of Fighting
Science tells us that couples who fight fair are more likely to make it and be happier than those who don’t. There is a difference between having a disagreement and “fighting”. When you fight, both sides are vying to have their way and to be right. An argument consists of two people sharing their view and side and respecting each other’s feelings. If there is one thing happy couples have in common is that they understand it is better to be happy than “right”.
Also, fighting fair means not placing blame on one another or saying things that you can’t take back. It starts with presenting your feelings starting with “I feel…” instead of things like “you never…” Once you begin to blame your partner, that immediately puts the other person on the defense and it is more likely that your side will not be heard or understood.
If you want to have a happy life, happy marriage, it involves knowing when to pick your battles, being empathetic when your partner is upset, and taking responsibility for the part you play, while also respecting what your mate is trying to relay to you, whether you agree with it or not. You don’t have to take ownership for your partner’s feelings, but you do have to validate and listen to them if you want to have a happily ever after.
4. Speaking Positively About one Another
There is nothing more cancerous in a marriage than speaking negatively about your partner, either to them, or in their absence. If you disparage your spouse to others in your life, you are creating a negative cloud that will make it nearly impossible for you to find peace with one another. I know it can be really alluring to have someone in your life tell you, you are right, but really it gets you nowhere to taint the reality of your situation or to only present your side.
We all have to vent once in a while, but try to stay away from labeling your partner negatively, because those connotations stick. And to have a positive feeling in your marriage, you have to have a positivity surrounding it. You aren’t going to have that if you are constantly putting them down to friends and family, or presenting them in a bad light. Go ahead and bounce your problem off of others, just don’t make your partner look malicious, or you will accomplish nothing but negative vibes that will create little cracks in your relationship.
5. Gratitude
After a while it is easy to start to expect things for your partner and to feel as if they somehow “owe” you something. Sure, you do the laundry, they are on trash disposal, but that isn’t because it is somehow their job – it is because you are a partnership where you chip in to help one another.
It is important to feel gratitude for your partner, but more important to express it. Science tells us that there is an equity that makes a marriage balanced and peaceful. And if one spouse feels as if they are doing more than the other, or feels unappreciated, it can create resentment. And resentment is one of the biggest nails in a marriage’s coffin.
You don’t have to say thank you every time that they reach down to pick up a sock, but take the time at least once a week or more to thank your mate for all that they do to make your life easier – it will be more appreciated than you know. And it will also create a feeling of good will that will last long after you have said “I appreciate you”. Also, they are more likely to want to do more to please you and vice versa, which just makes everyone feel better.
6. Genuine Respect
There is a reason why you married your spouse, and that is because they had the qualities that you were looking for. Respect means that you are proud to be with the person that you are with. And that you respect them for their ideas, their emotions, and their feelings.
The best way to have a happy marriage is to bring out the best in one another, and that is done by encouraging and believing that your mate can do anything they set their mind to. And also, by boosting their confidence and treating them in word and action as if you respect what they have to say, who they are, and what they stand for. You don’t always have to agree, but you do have to respect what your partner says and feels.
7. Picking Your Battles
Again, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy. Many couples find themselves in an endless go around of battles that go nowhere and have no resolution. If you don’t want to be caught in a fight cycle where no one wins or loses, they just feel upset, then you can stand your ground and make sure that you win.
Or, you can choose to agree to disagree, or even let them have one once in a while. Trying to prove that you are always right will lead you to a place of continual opposition. And if you are always on opposite sides of an argument, you can better bet you will likely be at opposite ends of the bed most nights.
8. Compromise
Being in a relationship means that you have to learn to compromise. Being a part of a couple means that you are no longer looking out for numero uno, but you are working together so that you are both having your needs met. Compromise is an important part of a peaceful union.
It doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to give in all the time, but it does mean that you have to come together to decide what type of situation will make you collectively happy, not just one party. Or, if you give in on one thing, perhaps they will give in on another. Again, it is all about the theory of equity. A happy couple is where both parties feel as if they are getting as much as they are giving. And that can only happen when you are both willing to work together for resolution.
7. Selflessness
There are going to be times when you will have to put your mates ambitions, wants, and desires ahead of your own. In a marriage there are times when your partner will shine and others when you will. It is important to allow each of you to have dreams and to work together, sometimes taking turns, knowing that the ultimate goal is that you both get what you want for the long-term.
Expressing what you want out of life is very important when you are living together for the long-term. Marriage is not about self-promotion, rather about couple promotion to find the best of you both, living together and realizing your individual goals.
8. Empathy
Empathy is one of the most critical components to a happy marriage. As you probably already know, empathy is the ability to walk in the other person’s shoes. So, when your spouse comes home at the end of the day sullen and cranky, let them have it and realize that you are not always sunshine and roses either.
Living together is hard, and being empathetic sometimes even harder. Just try to see where the other person is coming from, what is driving their mood, and what they need from you in the time and moment. If you can try to be patient and help them through whatever they are struggling with, they are more apt to give you a pass and to help you through your struggles, when you need them to.
I know, sometimes it is hard to be around that couple that seems so happy that you feel it can’t be real. Don’t kid yourself, they do have times when they argue, won’t get along, or just get tired of one another.
But happiness is about an overall feeling of contentment in marriage that revolves around empathy, respect, and the desire to be happy instead of right. Being a happy couple is not that hard when you practice things like gratitude and don’t take your partner for granted. If you try to be a little more understanding and speak with kindness, you will be surprised how blissful you can actually live going forward.
