There are certain phrases like “see you next Tuesday” that you don’t even think about saying unless you never want to ask forgiveness or care about it. But there are all sorts of ugly things we say in the heat of an argument and we’ve lost our temper. And there are also things that you should never say to your husband.
But just like there used to be like seven key words you couldn’t say on network television (which you can Google) there are specific words and or phrases that you can’t recover after they leave your lips. Now, I know that it is alluring to feel hurt and strike back in like kind, but there is no end to it. You strike, he strikes, you feel bad, he might or might not feel bad; in the end, gain nothing from going too far.
So what are those things that so threaten guys that they can’t ever look at you, or in the mirror again, without seeing exactly what left your angry mouth.
9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband
1. I Wish I Never Met you
There are times when we all can daydream about how our lives would have turned out differently if one hour had gone differently or one acquaintance had never have been made. But when you say to someone “I wish I never met you,” that not only covers I don’t want to be with you, it explains that you wish everything since you met hasn’t happened aka there is nothing about your marriage or relationship that you like.
When you say I wish I never met you, you completely dishonor not only the bad times you have shared, but you minimize the things that have made you what and who you both are now. So many things have gone on since you got together, but to say that you wish none of it ever happened is to say you didn’t even want the impact they had on your life at all.
2. I Hate you is one of the worst things you should never say to your husband
I know, I know, we all had that point in our relationship with our parents where we stomped our feet, and were so furious at their grounding of us that we said “I hate you.” Let’s be honest, when it comes to your parents, it doesn’t really matter to you or to them when you say “I hate you.” The first time you said it might have stung a little, but it’s highly likely your parents were like “well if you didn’t hate me I wouldn’t be doing my job correctly.”
Marriages and parental relationships differ. No matter how mad your parents are or what you have done, they won’t stop loving you, hence unconditional love. But spouses don’t always have that same connection. Parents can’t divorce their kids, but couples get divorced all the time.
Remember, if you tell someone you hate them, after you have told them you love them, they are left to wonder which is real. And once hate is brought to light, it sits and festers and there is always the question in the back of your husband’s mind which one is real, the I love you, or I hate you.
3. You Never Satisfied me
A whole lot of scenes in movies talk about women faking orgasms; you want to know why? Because we absolutely can. A guy is kind of screwed if he tries to fake it because either there is some malfunction with the trigger or he isn’t telling the truth. With the exception of a whole lot of eye twitching and some boisterous sounds, there is really no way to know if we are faking it or not.
So, as a guy, there always has to be that question in the back of their mind. But at the same time, guys are pretty secure in themselves, so they might tell themselves, “there is no way that she isn’t enjoying this,” and you can go with that, until someone puts a seed in your head.
So if you say to them that they can’t satisfy them, that will put a thought in their head that will not only make them recount your times other, it will change the future sex you have together. And sex is no fun while he is trying figure out what is real, which will probably make things feel strained. So… stay away from those things that might make him question his manhood because once you take it, you can’t take it back.
4. You’re a Loser
If there is one thing that a man prides himself on, it is leaving a successful legacy. The word loser is something that strikes right at the heart of their self-perception and something you can’t take back. We all possess a certain amount of self-doubt, and not being good enough is usually at the top of the list. If you say things like “you’re a loser,” it isn’t just your words that they feel, it is all the self-doubt and shame at not being good enough.
To someone who is insecure to begin with, it is like shining a flashlight on their biggest insecurity. Also, a loser indicates that not only are they not successful, they probably won’t be anytime soon. So if you have a guy in your life who is feeling a little frustrated about being exactly where he wants to be at a place in time and you beat him up about it, that is something that he will take to heart.
Long after you have hopefully apologized and tried to make it right, he will always have it in the back of his head festering that you don’t think he is anything. So, as mad as you get, don’t target those things about your husband that you know they are already struggling with, because no amount of “I didn’t mean it” will mean anything.
5. Whatever
One of the biggest relationship killers is indifference. And although he once accused you of being a nagging wife, you have switched to the silent treatment. When you disengage with your husband and fail to respond, it can completely destroy your marriage roles and goals. Working through arguments angrily at least makes a man feel as if you still have the passion to care and argue with him.
When you go silent and no longer even care to engage, that is more dangerous to the outcome of your marriage than to stay steady trying to get what you want said. Sure, being threatening can make him run for the hills, but saying whatever and completely disengaging sends a signal that he has lost the war and there is nothing to do but detach and walk away.
6. “You Always” – Or “You Never”
When you are arguing, it is important to stay away from absolutes that pigeonhole your significant other into never doing anything right. There is no way that they never listen to you. Or, it is nearly impossible that they always seek to make you mad.
When you argue, try to stay on task with the situation at hand instead of pulling out absolutes that have no room for debate. When you use toxic definitives, there is no room for forgiveness or even a conversation about what the problem is. It is okay to be specific about what they “did do,” but don’t put them under a global and suffocating umbrella of yourself.
When you tell someone who and what they are enough, they begin to become that person, so be careful what you convince them they are, it might really come back to bite you.
7. Threats of Ending it or Divorce
Divorce is the opposite of a relationship or marriage. And once you get to the point of saying it, you have really said there is no going back. Sometimes when we feel as if we have been ignored long enough, we will begin to throw out all the toxic things we can in an attempt to prove that this time we are really serious.
The problem with saying something about divorce is that once it is said, that is the gold standard. There really isn’t anywhere to go from there that is healthy or good. And once you have hit that pinnacle, it is more likely to come up over and over again. If you say you want a divorce, it will create a distrust in your partner that you are always standing with one foot out the door, which will steal their security and increase their overall anxiety.
Before you say anything about ending the relationship or getting a divorce, you best think long and hard about the fact that there is no going back from that point to a stable and easy style of living.
8. Name Calling in General
Name calling is something that all adults should have left at the playground, but many didn’t. There is no benefit from calling someone a name to define and hurt them. The power that backs calling people ugly names is so fierce, even if it can’t be felt as it comes from your lips.
And once you call someone a name, no amount of compliments can override the horrible thing that you called them. Whatever derogatory name you called them will forever be imprinted somewhere in their psyche and it will change the way that they see themselves and possibly the way that they forever see and relate to you.
9. I Don’t Care
I know it seems like three super easy and not hurtful things to say “I don’t care.” So why is it that it is one of the seven things you should never say during a fight? There is a difference between loving someone and hating someone and in the middle there is the “I don’t care.” In the I don’t care phase, you don’t even have passion enough for them that whatever they have said or done can affect your life.
I don’t care is a way of saying that you are so insignificant that you aren’t going to give them the time of day to even get upset = they are worthless. I know that it doesn’t really seem all that hurtful, but it is, and it is something that can set the tone for your marriage going forward and not in a good way.
If you are like me, when the fight is on, it is on. And over the years as you become more tired, stressed, and frustrated by life, your words tend to grow with your overall feelings.
Remember, you Can’t Unring a Bell
There are things that you probably shouldn’t say because they might sting and then there are things that you must not say because there is no way that they won’t not just sting, but have a lasting effect both on the way your man sees himself, the way he sees you, and the way that he sees your relationship. Don’t get sucked into saying something that you don’t mean and can’t take back in the heat of the argument.
Take the time to consider how what you are saying will impact the person you love and if it is really worth it to put a tiny crack in your intimacy that might fester and continue to grow and lead to resentment and the end. Say only what you mean and mean only what you say. And above all, remember that even though you are fighting, you are still fighting with the man you adore and don’t want to say anything that is unfixable.
