There are some pretty obvious and agreed upon things that can begin the downfall of a relationship; chief among them – cheating. But it doesn’t have to be the big momentous things that can bring down any relationship; be it healthy or not.
Subtle and persistent behaviors that happen within a pairing can tear at its thread, so much so that it becomes the avalanche that takes you both out. And they can have your bond crushed away. So if you want to keep your relationship strong and moving on the right path, look out for these sure-fire things to ruin a relationship.
10 things that are sure to ruin a relationship
1. Jealousy
It is absolutely normal to be slightly jealous in a relationship, but there is also a point where you’re jealous can feel more like trying to control. A healthy bond comes out of a place of trust for one another. So even if there are attractive people around your significant other, you have to learn to trust that it doesn’t matter. If they are committed to you, then let it go and just be glad that they are yours by appreciating how good you have it.
2. Controlling behavior can ruin a relationship
The only person’s actions and behaviors that you can control are your own. No one wants to be told what to do all the time. Again, it is about trusting your partner. Trying to monitor their every move, who they can be with, and where they can go, will get old quickly.
And soon, you might find them either being untruthful to avoid your wrath or pushing you away to gain some independence. There is one thing for sure – a person will only allow you to control them for so long before it will get old and so will your reign of rule!
3. Not being appreciative
As a relationship progresses, it is easy to start to take the kindness of your partner for granted or to believe that you somehow deserve it. When you start, you want to do everything you can to make the other person happy.
But if you stop saying thank you for the small things, no matter how insignificant they might seem, your partner will probably stop trying to please you. Once that kindness and desire to please is gone, things can go downhill pretty quickly.
4. Fighting about the same thing
There is nothing more exhausting than fighting about the same things over and over and never finding a resolution. Most of the time a fight requires that both parties take responsibility for their actions and behaviors, apologize, if necessary, then move on.
But if one or both of you can’t seem to ever put down the sword, and figure out that sometimes it is better to be happy than right, then you will likely go round and round in circles. And eventually, one of you will want to get off the roller coaster once and for all!
5. Calling names
There are very few things that can create a rift in a relationship more than name-calling. Everyone gets super upset sometimes, but that doesn’t give you a license to tear each other part by saying things about them that stick.
Just because you said it out of anger; doesn’t mean that they didn’t take it to heart. And just like you can’t unring a bell, you can’t take back the things that you say to your loved one. They will always be left thinking that is how you feel deep inside.
6. Lying – will absolutely ruin a relationship
I am not going to say that there are never times when lying is not necessary *and sometimes kind*. For instance, if your girlfriend asks “how do I look?” and you know that she has spent hours getting ready, even if you aren’t a fan of her outfit, you should say “absolutely beautiful”.
But lying has many purposes, and when it is used to either get away with something or to get you out of something, that is a sure-fire way to ruin a relationship. No one wants to get in trouble with the person they love or to hurt their feelings, but being dishonest will always come back to bite you. So it is best to make sure to foster your relationship by always trying to be the most truthful version of you possible.
7. Manipulation
We all use different tools in our arsenal to sway our partners one way or another, and most of the time we are unconscious of it. But if you are using manipulation to control your partner or rob them of their self-esteem, then it is going to lead to a very unhealthy relationship.
If you want something from your significant other, be open and honest about it by asking. Don’t use covert tactics to get them to do what you want to their detriment.
8. Getting too comfortable can ruin a relationship
The dream that most people have when they enter into a relationship is to find a person with whom they can be themselves, show their inner flaws, and someone who will love both the good and bad.
But that doesn’t mean that you let the crazy out of the bag whenever you feel like it, or that you start to let all boundaries disappear. To keep your relationship alive, you have to put energy into it. That means finding something more than watching television together or eating frozen dinners. Remember once the magic dies, so does the relationship.
9. Codependence
A relationship should exist with both partners maintaining their lives while being enhanced by having the other person in their life. Sometimes codependence can creep in where you begin to rely on your partner to provide you with fulfillment.
And you can start to forget about all the things that make you happy and, instead, defer to concentrating solely on your mate. When you become codependent, it is not only unhealthy for you to lose yourself, it puts a lot of pressure on your mate to be your everything. You both need to carry on some independence from one another, while still leaning on each other at times when you need it.
10. Avoidance
Have you ever known that “chase – run” couple? One partner seems to always be chasing and the other seems to be always running or avoiding them. When you avoid a problem, it only becomes larger. And if you refuse to listen to someone, most likely they will just become louder. That is when the chase and run ensues.
One partner is hell-bent on having the other hear what they say and the other is hell-bent on not listening. In an avoidance type relationship, neither partner is listening, and the communication has been severed. No one likes confrontation, it is uncomfortable.
But to be in a healthy and mature relationship, you have to accept both the good and the bad of how your partner feels and acknowledge and come to terms with what the issues are so that you can solve them and move forward.
Although we often think that it is the big things that tend to ruin a relationship, often it is a series of small, seemingly insignificant behaviors that continue to chip away at the fabric of even the strongest of relationships. If you want to stop the tiny tears that ruin a relationship so that they don’t start to unravel your partnership, try to stop these destructive behaviors and actions from leading to the end of your love tie.
