We often hear about people having a fear of failure. That totally makes sense. If you try something and you fail, it can be embarrassing, make you feel less than or not good enough. But what most people are stuck on might not be fear of failure at all. It might be that they have a fear of success. Although it might sound completely unreasonable, I mean why would anyone fear being successful? But it is something that I am struggling with right now, and I thought it was worth while to discuss it and see if anyone else is allowing fear to hold them back.
Fear of Failure Versus the Fear of Being Successful
When I envision success, sometimes it fills the belly of my stomach with so much promise and excitement, but then it quickly turns to anxiety. I recently helped create Femadulting Magazine and in the past, most of my writing was done either under disguise or anonymous. So this is my first real shot of being a “voice” that someone might want to hear. My fear of success differs from a fear of failure. Being that I am no stranger to failure, the idea of success is what keeps me stuck and paralyzed.
Why Would Anyone Have a Fear of Success
I am not someone who envies celebrity. They hold no mystic for me. I find them to be entertaining at best, but I also see them for who they are, and I don’t always find them to be happy. Due to losing my husband to pancreatic cancer very young in life, you can say that I was somewhat of a “celebrity,” but not for my talents, my creativity, or anything pertaining to who I really was – it was because I was of interest.
Those years, being in the limelight, scrutinized for everything I did, watched for everything I said, judged for every decision or move I made – nearly broke me. And it all still follows me and haunts me to this day.
Success is like a bell that you can’t “unring”. It isn’t as if you can go back to your former failure self. Once you make it, where do you go from there? Is it money that makes you happy? Or, is it that people care that you are around, that turns you on? Is it that people recognize you, admire you, wish they were you? What is it that would drive someone to be happy by their success?
I am Already Successful – By my Goals and Beliefs
One of the reasons that I have a fear of success is that I don’t care about the things that most people seem to. It isn’t money that makes me tick – in fact, I have seen it destroy a whole lot of people. In my estimation, when you have something, it only leaves you with the feeling and anxiety that you have something to lose.
I am not someone who wants to be admired, that is a very heavy load to carry where you have to develop a thick outer shell from criticism and judgment. I don’t think I could ever harden myself in such a way. So, what do I consider “being successful” to look like?
Wealth is not a True Sign of Success
Me. I am successful not because I am wealthy, or because I have knowledge to give to the world. I have not invented anything to better man, nor do I have words of wisdom that help to ease anyone’s suffering. And I am successful in my eyes because I don’t seek things from outside of me. I seek them from within and I have my children who surround me and make my life full. I have a home that I come home to that is filled with love and acceptance. And most importantly, I have everything that I could ever ask for sitting right in front of me.
My fear of success stems from the fact that if I do become successful, and those things that excite me come true, what then? What if those things that I felt a tinge of excitement about are too overwhelming. Or what if they rob me from the things that I find so much reward in now. Like getting a new toy, will success make what I valued before it look less shiny, less rewarding, less valuable?
Success is Found in the Mundane and Ordinary Recesses of Life
So, Femadulting Magazine, something that I am passionate about, is not about my personal success. It is about helping people feel what I feel inside. I want to give people the freedom to think that ordinary is successful. Not to fear failure and certainly not to fear success, if it is what you truly desire.
Femadulting Magazine is all about living each day without regret. It isn’t about FOMO (fear of missing out), or worrying about what’s going on in the world. It is about living a life that isn’t guided by fear. And it is about being your best self, living your best life, and knowing that if the show was over tomorrow – you lived every moment without hesitation, without holding back, without desiring what you don’t have, or envying what others do.
Adulting is about not just accepting who you are – it is about loving every inch of yourself inside, outside, and all the way around. Because when you leave this earth, the only thing you get to take with you are the memories that you have. They are there to make a storybook that you want to read over and over again for eternity.
Let the Adulting Together Begin!
So, I accept the challenge of putting in my all, and I am gracious and thankful that fate landed the heart of Femadulting Magazine with the encouragement of a woman I greatly admire – our the magazine’s co-owner Mary Beth Carroll.
I am not going to fear success because if all goes as planned, I won’t be successful anymore than I am right now – without a dime to spare in my pocket, but I will have done something for people all around the world who are looking for someone to make their lives a little less burdened, a lot less fearful, way less alone and lonely. And that thing is what Femadulting Magazine did for me – I want you to know that I believe in you, honestly, sincerely, and truly – I believe in you.
