I have been in relationships throughout my life where I have not always been the best version of myself. Sometimes when someone is really good to you, you can start to take advantage of it. And before you know it, you are pushing the envelope and taking them for granted.Usually it takes losing someone or something to want to be a better version of you. If, however, you are in a relationship and thinking that maybe you aren’t living up to your side of the commitment; there is always room for growth. If you want to become a better person in a relationship, it is not only totally doable, it takes just small changes on your part and the willingness to be a better mate to the one you love.
Some people are more self involved than others, especially in relationships. There are the givers and sometimes the takers. If you are a little more of the taking kind, it can’t feel good when you know you have hurt someone you love being selfish. If you are starting to notice that you have put yourself and your wants a little ahead of your mate and are ready to become a better person in a relationship, these are the best steps to get there.
Relationships require equity, empathy, and two people who are in it for more than just themselves
1. Be appreciative
When you are in a relationship, it can become super easy to think that you deserve all that they do for you. Or, if they do so much for you that they pretty much take the lead, you can stop noticing all the big and little things that keep your day to day so much better.
The key to a healthy relationship is gratitude. Not only should you be grateful for all of the things that they do to enhance your happiness; you should be grateful that they support, love and care about you. Saying thank you is about the best way to let your loved one that you not only love them, but also that their good deeds aren’t going unnoticed.
2. Focus on being happy instead of being right
Relationships can get caught in the fighting cycle where everything seems like a battle. If you find that you are more concerned about being right, then being happy, take a step back and consider if it is worth it. In a partnership sometimes you have to let someone have one and not argue about mundane things.
In the end, it doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong as much as it does that you are happy; just because you don’t agree with them, that doesn’t mean they are wrong – remember that and you are on your way to becoming a better person in a relationship!
3. It’s the Little Things That Count
While you are going through your day stop at least once to consider what little thing you can do or take off of your loved one’s plate that will make them happy. Something as little as asking if you can stop at the store to get them something, or as small as picking up a flower on the way in the door and giving a kiss hello can completely transform your partner’s day and feeling about your relationship really easily.
Yes, the big gestures are important every once in a while, but it is the smaller things that really count and ad up.
4. Provide undivided attention
When you started dating you probably loved your mobile phone. All the cute texting you did, and the way that they would interrupt your day with flirting was awesome. The phone now, in an established relationship, is not so cute anymore.
If you want to be a better person in your relationship put the damn phone down and give your partner some eye contact. It is really important that you show your significant other that they are significant, which means giving them the undivided attention that means so much!
5. Be supportive..
If you are goal-oriented, then you might have mistakenly gotten wrapped up solely in what you want and what you want to achieve in life. Your partner is not a side character in your story, nor are the merely along for the ride. When was the last time you stopped to ask how they were doing at work, or what their goals were for the near future?
If you spend a lot of time thinking about where you are heading and what your next bucket list is, take the time to stop and think about what it is that drives your partner and then support it and encourage them. A little cheerleading can go a super long way to being a better person in your relationship and a whole lot less self-absorbed.
6. To become a better person in a relationship be empathetic
You already know what it is like to walk a day in your shoes and how you feel. To be a better person you have to be open-minded and put yourself in your partner’s shoes sometimes to feel what they do. Don’t be quick to judge them or their reactions.
Maybe they were not so nice because they didn’t get any sleep last night, or things are going on at work. Before you assume you know what is driving your partners actions and react; take the time to think about what is going on and what they need. Quiet likely it is not a harsh whiplash from you.
7. Take responsibility for their feelings and your actions
Sure, you might not have meant to hurt their feelings by choosing to go out with your friends after work without letting them know, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t cause them to feel the way that they do. Don’t try to convince them that they aren’t feeling the way that they are, or that they don’t have a license to.
If you have done something to stir the pot, whether you meant to or not, just say you are sorry they are upset. That doesn’t meant you are admitting that their feelings are caused by you or you are at fault, it just means that you take ownership of whatever your actions did to their feelings.
8. Be involved
It is really hard to fein interest in something you aren’t interested in, but unfortunately, that is what having an adult relationship is all about. You might not care that they enjoy running marathons, and would rather them stay in bed to have sex on Saturday morning, but if it is something they are passionate about, then you have an obligation to support and show interest in those things that mean the most to them.
Sometimes you have to put your own desires and wants on the back burner to let them shine once in a while. Make a big deal out of their race by being at the finished line with flowers and an after party. If your significant other makes your dreams feel insignificant, it can truly change the way that you see yourself and your worth and you don’t want to do that, do you?
9. Love them not in spite of their idiosyncrasies, but because of them
After a while it is the little things that we thought were cute that become to so cute anymore. The problem is that when you committed to loving them, you committed to loving all of them. So, if you knew that they were never going to set the world on fire by being a CEO, then accept that they don’t want to climb the corporate ladder.
You have to learn to accept your partner completely, that means for the good, the bad, and the oh so irritating. You can’t change anyone but yourself. And you really shouldn’t want to. No relationship or individual, for that matter is perfect. But if you love them then you have to do your best to love them perfectly from head to toe.
10. Always talk highly of them
One of the worst ways to be a not so good version of yourself is to speak ill of the person you are with. Sure, we all have times when our partner is getting on our nerves and we need to vent. But there is a difference between saying “I am upset with my spouse” versus I can’t stand that bitch.
Don’t resort to name calling and it isn’t a game, you don’t need people on your side. The best way to become a better person in a relationship is to never say anything unkind about the person you love to taint the way that others see them – and that can be really hard sometimes.
11. Don’t play tit for tat
Sometimes we do shitty things to one another because we feel like they deserve it. If your partner showed up late last night for dinner, that does’t mean that it is your job to teach them a lesson by doing something just as crappy to them. Playing tit for tat is something that little kids do, and now is the time for you to put on your big girl or little boy pants and behave like an adult, which means taking the high road – always.
12. Be forgiving
One of the hardest things to do sometimes is to forgive, like truly forgive. Sometimes we say we forgive someone and then the first chance we get, we throw their actions or behaviors right back at them during a fight. Being a good person comes with the ability not just to forgive but also to forget.
It doesn’t do anything but hurt you when you carry around a bag of resentment. And it isn’t fair to tell someone you forgive them and then pull the rug out from under them when it suits your needs. If you say your forgive, be a better person and actually forgive and put it in the past.
13. Be honest
No, little white lies that are meant to save you from getting in trouble are not okay. If you don’t want to deal with your partner being upset, then don’t do things that will upset them.
And if you have done something, be honest. If they find out that you have veered from the version of truth, then that will put tiny cracks in their faith in you. And becoming a better person in your relationship involves being the best and most honest version of you.
14. Be optimistic
One of the best ways to be a better person and to spread happiness is to be positive. Instead of finding the faults in your mate and in the situation around you, always try to look on the bright side, be optimistic and positive about where you are headed together and separately, and you will literally see your life transform immediately.
The way to become a better person in a relationship is to put other people ahead of yourself sometimes, always try to do the right thing, and provide unconditional love. Whatever you put out into the universe will come back to you ten fold in many ways. And if you find the best you, you will likely find the best relationship possible in it!
