We have all gotten the same talk when a relationship is failing, “if you just step back and play hard to get, they will be back chasing you”. For most, pretending not to care and walking away is like torture. But also in most cases, it is true – if someone isn’t treating you the way that you want to be treated, the best way to get them to come chasing is to play hard to get. But a narcissist is different. If you think it is possible to get a narcissist to chase you – you are dreaming!
What is a Narcissist
A narcissist is someone who believes there is only one person in their world and that is them. They have no empathy for others and the people who they do treat with kindness, they do so only to gain some benefit. A narcissist is incapable of loving someone truly and unconditionally, it isn’t within their capacity.
So trying to get them to chase you is fruitless, they have no ability to chase someone, it is too much energy and beneath them. Instead of trying to get them to chase you, it is best to run far and fast away from them for your own mental well-being.
Not only does a narcissist prey on those who are in a vulnerable place; they can manipulate people who are confident and strong too. They work by being so charming they’re irresistible at the start and once they get into your psyche they twist and turn reality to suit their needs and to get what they want from you. In the end, you question everything you think you know about your life, your relationship and yourself.
Trying to get a narcissist to chase you is like digging a hole to bury your soul
When I have been asked how to get a narcissist to chase you, it didn’t make any sense to me. Why would anyone willingly want someone who will treat them with such indifference to chase them down. It is about the feeling that the narcissist provides their prey. When a narcissist sets his goals on you, it is very flattering. And when they take it away, it feels like someone took the wind out of your sails. From an outside perspective, I understand why you want the narcissist back in your life right now. But if you give it some time to see and think clearly away from their clutches, you will regain yourself and realize that you’ve been living in a horrible situation.
The Narcissist’s Playbook
When you first fall for a narcissist it is because they are charming and they make you feel so wonderful about being their center of attention. But as the relationship progresses, you will begin to see that their real personality is beginning to show, the one that is not so charming. If they notice that you are begging to look under the hood, they will revert back quickly to stop the unveil.
As the process goes on, they will set to gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a manipulation tool that narcissists use to make you question all that you know is true. It is a tool that they use to make you question what is right, what is real and if you are even sane. Suddenly, you go from feeling confident and loved to crazy and unloveable. And to add injury to insult, throughout the entire downfall of you, they will seek to tear you away from your friends and family to isolate you.
That way, the people who love you most won’t be able to warn you about what they see taking place, how you are changing internally, and how poorly they are treating you. The entire scheme is meant to make you reliant on your relationship and them, and that is the ultimate goal that they seek.
Are narcissists bad people?
That is a really tough question to answer because no two people are the same. Although it would appear that they aren’t the best people on the surface, underneath it all is something much deeper than you can see. Someone who behaves like a narcissist is suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So what they do to their victims comes naturally, so they aren’t doing it intentionally or on purpose. In fact, they probably have no idea they are playing mind games at all, but that does’t make it okay.
Someone who suffers from a personality disorder is suffering in life. The narcissist isn’t enjoying what they are doing or having healthy relationships that are satisfying either. But it isn’t your responsibility to put up with it or to be hurt by them. Think of it this way, it is far better to get someone who will provide you the love you crave to chase you then to get a narcissist to.
Best approach – spot a narcissist before you are in too deep
The fact that you are even researching how to get a narcissist to chase you is troubling to me. It is easier for me to explain how to spot a narcissist so that you run from them instead of try to get a chase to pursue. The main characteristic of a narcissist is that they have an inflated sense of self. That is where the problem lies, although they have an inflated ego, they can easily manipulate you by showing their vulnerable side. If your inner you is telling you something is up – don’t ignore it!
Other Signs
The second true sign of a narcissist is that they have no empathy, they can’t feel for anyone else. It isn’t possible for them to walk a mile in anyone else’s shoes because they never developed the ability to empathize, it is literally short-circuited within their brain. In a relationship, they can’t ever be real or honest, or have a healthy bond. The will always operate one-sided and you will always be under their control and letting them take control of everything whether you are aware or not.
Getting a Narcissist to chase you
The whole question of how to get a narcissist to chase you is an enigma. To get them to chase, you would have to hold some power over them, and that is inherently impossible. The only way to get over a narcissist completely is to be done and walk away. There is no level of healthiness that you can ever have in a narcissistic relationship.
Once they get their hooks into you
Throughout my twelve years of writing about narcissistic relationships, I have come to see one common theme, suffering. The people who love narcissists do so with everything they have. They get in so deeply that it is like a cancer that robs them of their self and sanity.
It is so hard to overcome a narcissist because of the way that they bottom you, isolate you, and create an alternate reality from what you have always known. There is no way to reason with the situation or with them. The normal human psyche can’t even imagine how someone like that operates, so it just becomes confusing and life-altering.
So my best advice to anyone who is asking how to get a narcissist to chase you is to stop. Instead of trying to get them to chase you – it is time for you to run hard and fast in the other direction. Just remember that it isn’t your fault that they pulled away, it wasn’t anything you couldn’t do or didn’t do or even did. They are incapable of love, so put your energy into finding someone who is.
