The beginning of a relationship is so awesome. It is like opening a present chalked full of fun every day. But as fun as the start of a relationship is, it also needs to be a time of discovering what makes your partner tick. It is also a time when you need to ask those uncomfortable questions that are essential to move forward and progress as a couple. If you are looking for things to talk about with your boyfriend that will give you the answers to your future, or if you even have one, these are great ways to get to the truth without being pushy or overbearing. They just might uncover some truths that you need to know and hear.
Ten Important Things to Talk About With Your Boyfriend
1. Politics
You might know whether he is a conservative or republican, but politics are about more than just what side you vote for. When you discuss politics it gives you great insight into what your boyfriend thinks about morally and value-wise.
Does he believe that it his our obligation to feed the poor as a society, or is he an “every man for himself” kind of guy? The way that someone views the world around them and the obligations that they feel humanity has will have a huge bearing on your future together. It is difficult to have a lasting relationship with people who have different ideological beliefs than you, so know where he stands before you get in too deep.
2. Gender roles
When people get into a relationship, often, they just assume that everyone grew up the same way, with the same parents, and that they agree on what a relationship looks like.
If you grew up with a mom who stayed home and baked cookies, and he grew up with a mom who put on heels and hit the boardroom everyday, you might have very different outlooks on what the future should look like if you ended up together. It is best to know what type of roles he imagines in his future marriage so that you aren’t blindsided when he wants you to earn the bacon and you want to raise kids full time.
3. What does his future look like?
Sure, if he is awesome enough you might be okay waiting forever. But make sure that you know it is going to be a bit before he will commit. Most people have a general idea about how they foresee their future and how it is that they are going to get there.
If his goals are to become the head CEO of a fortune 500 company, then he might put a family and a real relationship on hold until he can find his way. Know what his future looks like to him so that you can decipher what yours will with him. And in the same respect, if he wants to have kids before he is 29 and you aren’t ready, that is something you should know too and be on the same page to plan ahead.
4. Friend
It is important for you to get a sense of what his friends are all about. They might be super behaved when you are around, but what do they do when the cover is unveiled? If you want to have a future with a guy, then you should know what his friends are like. Often, the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.
So if he does guys night every night and his friends are not the commitment type, you might want to know that ahead of time. Unfortunately, friends have a huge impact on what we do and how we behave. If he has a set of Peter Pan loving Neverland Bros, then that is a sign they have something in common and it is usually the fear of commitment. Know what birds he is flocking with.
5. Childhood dreams
You can tell a lot about a person if you ask them what their dreams were when they were little. Although very few of us know what we want to be when we grow up – I would dare say I still don’t and I am a grown up – knowing what their dreams were when it was still okay to dream will give you some insight into who they are deep down.
We all have to give up our dreams in leu of becoming a responsible adult, but those things that we wanted to be are still a sign of who we are deep down, what drives us and what we wanted to do to change the future and the world when we still believed it was possible.
6. Religion – touchy things to talk about with your boyfriend
Religion is one of those things that people tend not to talk about because it can be a super hot button for some. When we are dating someone, we usually tend to not want to know those things about them that we might not like, but those are the most important things to discover.
When we are teens or even into our early adult lives, sometimes we let our religious beliefs take a back seat, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t surface over time as you grow and mature. The fact that he grew up Catholic might not seem significant, but if he believes in his upbringing, it will come back in his ideation of the future, it will come up when you have children, it is a part of him that you want to know about. Because like it or not, if you marry someone you marry all of them!
7. What makes him happy
Happiness is not an overall way to live life, but it is something that we find in moments that shape us and make our hearts soar. Do you know what it is that makes your boyfriend happy? Often, we believe that we have our partners figured out and we know what makes them happy, but we don’t ever point blankly ask.
If you want to have a blissful relationship that has many happy and joyful moments, then you have to know what makes them tick and what little moments add fulfillment to their lives. Don’t assume you know what makes him feel fulfilled until you have really asked and had it answered.
8. Where do you want to live?
Are you a country or a city mouse? When we are young, we live where we live because of external factors like a job, or to be where the action is. But once you start to partner up and think about where to grow roots, and children, the question of where you want to live becomes increasingly important.
Just because you are night life city dwellers right now, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t a farm boy at heart who wants to have 200 acres in the middle of nowhere. Don’t assume that the lifestyle he is living right now is the one he will want when he gets a little older and settles down. Also, if you are someone who wants to live the downtown life for the long-term, that is something that you need to talk about and express, or it just might come back to haunt you.
9. What comes first – work or family life?
In early adult years, we are all on the same page, getting a paycheck and earning a living. But what happens when there are other obligations like a spouse and children. If he is hard-working and motivated right now, is he going to put work ahead of family for the long-term.
Or, if he is totally unmotivated and going from one paycheck to the next, is that how you are going to want to live going forward. The key to a peaceful life is knowing where work ends and family begins for you both and collectively. If family comes first to you, you might want to know that you will most likely be going it alone while he is off building a forever career. It can cause a whole lot of strife if you aren’t on the same work page.
10. Speaking of family… very critical things to talk about with your boyfriend!
The very last thing you want to talk about with your boyfriend right out the gate is the subject of children, if he wants them or how many he wants. But the problem is that most people hold those types of questions inside because they don’t want to scare someone off. By the time they have the courage to discuss those things that are most important, they are typically too deep into a relationship and think they are okay sacrificing for love.
When you sacrifice what you want to appease another person, it usually leads to resentment. So although you are saying right now you are okay having four children because he wants them, and you only wanted one, that might lead to a very unhappy future.
You don’t have to ask if he wants to have children with you, per se, but it is important to know if he wants them at all – or if he envisions marrying the old woman who lives in a shoe. Children are very important to the health and wellness of a future marriage, so know what your boyfriend has in mind before you get in so deep you can’t get out.
Things to Talk About With Your Boyfriend… Don’t let it go too Long!
When you first start dating, you want to keep things casual, not confrontational, so you tend to downplay the things that will make for a happy and healthy future together and those things that can rip you apart at the seams. It is important to have the courage to talk about the uncomfortable and potentially overwhelming things that lie ahead in life.
If he is meant to be for you, then he will want to come to consensus about the future. If he runs, then to be honest, he would have run eventually. There is no reason to hold off on discussing major things in life and get into a relationship that is destined to fail out of sheer incompatibility.
It is best to know where you stand before you are in quicksand and unable to break ties, even if you aren’t on the same page. It will save you from a whole lot more hurt in the future and entanglements that are difficult to untangle. Make sure to bring up these things to talk about with your boyfriend before it is too late.
