You remember when you were little and your mom would bring home a box of popsicles, they tasted so good, I can remember not being able to stop myself from eating the whole box. The next time she would bring them home, they tasted a little less amazing, until finally I found myself a little “over” them. The problem with a new relationship is that it seems like the popsicles from the beginning and you just want to eat the whole thing up. But a rushed relationship is never a good thing, period. And the way to fix a rushed relationship is not always clear or easy.
There is a natural order that relationships go through, different stages according to how well you know one another and how comfortable you are with letting the crazy out of your closet.
If you reveal too much up front, or skip stages, it can become super awkward and you can become too self-disclosed or even not be ready to let see or to show some of the things that we normally like to keep hidden. If you jump the gun in your relationship and find yourself in too deep before you meant to be, take heart, there are ways how to fix a rushed relationship and slow things down without losing it altogether.
Nine Suggestions About how to Fix a Rushed Relationship
If you have rushed your relationship, the fix isn’t going to be easy because taking things back is similar to un-ringing a bell – you simply can’t. Rushing into a relationship can bring on a lot of arguing and strife between two people because they prematurely think that they know the other person inside and out, when they probably don’t really know either. And if you go too quickly, one day you will probably wake up to feel like they are too in your face and you have lost yourself in the process.
The only way to stop and try to save it, if you can, is to try to slow things down and spill in the missing pieces. I know, it can feel like slowing the process down might be the catalyst to the end, and I’m not going to sugar coat it, it might be. But the sad reality is that if it isn’t meant to be, it won’t be, rushing or slowing it down. And good news is if you can successfully put on the brakes, and you don’t flip over the handlebars – then you will come out stronger as a couple the other end.
1. Be honest about what you are feeling
The biggest problem in a rushed relationship is that you didn’t get to know one another deeply enough to develop good communication and how to relate to one another. If you rush things, you often don’t have time to test the waters related to uncomfortable conversations that necessarily have to be had, which can make you want to avoid them at any cost.
Honesty is super important to weather the storm. You have to tell them how you are feeling and that you fear things might be rushing too quickly. The purpose of being honest is to try to get on the same page, regardless of who was the initial pusher and who saw the need for the brakes. If you express that the reason you are broaching the situation is that you care and want to grow closer for the long-term, then your words might not sting so much. And if you can avoid defensive talk, then you might just find a happy medium to take it slower and more steady going forward.
2. Examine why you think you rushed
If you want to slow things down, you have to ask yourself what the rush was to begin with. That can take a whole lot of introspection and looking into your own feelings to be honest about what drove the big rush. Typically, you rush relationship due to issues like lack of self-confidence or previous bad experiences.
If you want to slow things down, the best place to start is to find out what was behind your need to meld so quickly, both on your part and potential on theirs. But two people can’t ever have a conversation unless they are both willing to be honest with each other and most importantly, themselves. And if it doesn’t all pan out this time, digging deeply into what happened will help you to take it easy the next time you try to get close.
3. Rediscover you
Often, when we get into relationships, overtime we step spending time with friends and devote all that we have into being a couple. If you rushed the relationship, it might have been like self-cold turkey, and you might be a little scared to let go and get back to you. But it is super important to find those things that made you happy before you threw your all into your current relationship.
Whether you are in a rushed relationship or one that followed naturally through the stages, you have to maintain your sense of identity. A healthy relationship can only exist when there are two people who have separate lives and balance them together, not when you lose yourself and what you want and desire. That is a recipe for resentment and loneliness. Regardless of whether your current relationship can slow down and fill-in the cracks, it is imperative that you find yourself to continue on with or without them.
4. Is it best to take a break?
I know, one of the scariest words in the world of a relationship is break. Not only does taking a break sound like you are calling it quits, it also has the word break, as in heart break, in it. Sometimes if we get too lost in something the only way for us to gain perspective is to step back and out for a minute. If you are too close in something it becomes difficult to get a full picture of what is going on and what you need. There is plenty of time to reconnect once you have got a handle on who you are and what you want, relationship or not.
5. Be clear about what you want
Likely a lack of communication is what got you to this point with this relationship, so it is extremely important that you are clear about what you need and want. Try not to confuse your significant other by going back and forth, or throwing things out and then reeling them back. Before you discuss it, make sure that you have a clear and defined idea of what you want and how to proceed. Mixed signals can be the end of the relationship, even if they aren’t meant to be mixed at all.
6. What do boundaries look like?
Think about the other people in your life and where you draw the lines with them. Your potential mate should also have boundaries in your life. If part of the reason you feel things are being rushed is because they are stepping over where you think things are comfortable and natural, then express those concerns.
Healthy relationships exist because each person respects the other and their boundaries. But your significant other can’t respect something is they don’t know about it. This is a time when you have to put your big boy or girl pants on and let them know that they need to back off a little and recoil when you aren’t comfortable with what is going on.
7. Take with you lessons learned
When we have hard times in life, we have two choices: we can see it as a negative, or we can turn it into a positive with lessons learned. Whether you tend to see a pattern in rushing relationships, or this is your first, then examine how it went wrong and where. Sure, it can be hard to lose a relationship, or to go through slowing it down. But if you take a positive approach and see it as a way to transform your life and your relationships going forward, then that is a positive.
8. Now is the time to worry about you
It is hard to be honest with the people we love, especially if we know that we are going to hurt them. But that might be the reason that you are in the boat you are right now. I know you feel badly about needing time, or even a break, but you have to worry about you and what is healthy.
Do you really want to get five years down the line, knowing that something wasn’t quite right, but not being able to put yourself first? Think of it this way, the only way to be fair to the person you love is to be honest and true with them. That takes really thinking about, identifying and caring about your own needs and wants.
9. Try to fill in the spaces
If you want to slow things down and build a healthier relationship, it might take filling in the spaces and gaps that were missed. Try to think back to the time when you met and all of those stages that might have been glossed over. If you can develop a plan not to go back, but to find the gaps in communication and getting to know one another, you can develop a plan to try to patch the holes and become a whole couple. It is possible to slow it down, while still keeping it on course, I promise.
How to Fix a Rushed Relationship – is it Possible?
Knowing how to fix a rushed relationship can be super difficult. Because you are in a relationship that hasn’t gone through the natural stages, it might feel superficial and like there is something missing. The good news is that there are ways to slow it down, fill-in the gaps, and get back on course, if you are honest with yourself and your partner.
The bad and good news is that if it doesn’t work, it won’t be because you voiced your concerns; it will be because you didn’t do things the healthy way. Either way, if it works you will be stronger together; if it doesn’t you will be stronger and smarter moving forward to find your forever love.
If you work together and get on the same page, you can totally rewrite where your relationship is headed and in a much more communicative and loving way.
