When you open up your Facebook page and see thousands of “friends” you know somewhere deep down that those aren’t “real” friends. When you’re a kid, making friends usually requires nothing more than bumping into someone at the playground and hitting the swings together.
But as you grow, it becomes increasingly difficult to find commonalities with people. Add to that the new challenges presented by the COVID era, and you might be feeling super alone right now. So if you are feeling bad about where you are at in life and thinking “I don’t have friends,” take heart. Not only are you not alone, there are some really easy fixes to your dilemma.
One of the biggest reasons that people find themselves with a lack of bonds to those around them is because they are afraid to reach out to strangers or to make the first move to go from acquaintance to friendship. The fear of rejection is a very strong motivator to keeping yourself closed. But I promise if you open up, and start to let people in, making friends won’t feel so strange and you will see your trepidation dissipate.
I Don’t Have Friends – 12 Ways to Open up and Let People in!
Talk to One New Person a Day
It might seem super superficial to start up a conversation while in line at the grocery store. And even now with the challenges of having to mask it up. But make it a point to strike up a conversation with at least one stranger per day.
It isn’t just that you will start to become more comfortable at being outside your zone and making contact, you might actually start a dialogue with someone you find you have a lot in common with. Make it as easy as “do you know where the tissue aisle is.” Start simple and grow as you feel comfortable to try to really connect to people on a purely natural level.
Find a Hobby
Most friendships are based on common likes and dislikes. But if you sit home by yourself a lot, then the potential to meet new people is going to be pretty limited. Search inside to find out what you like to do with your spare time.
Not only will you find that being out and about is a whole lot better than sitting home moping, you might find an entire group of people who share your hobby and want to hang out with you even outside of whatever it is that bound you to begin with. If you are a runner, join a running group. If you like to cook, take some cooking classes. Whatever it is that you like to do on your own time and alone, try doing it with others who share the same passion and you are sure to make a friend or two.
Reconnect With People From Your Past
As life gets more complex, it is easy to lose contact with people who you once called “friend.” And after a significant amount of time passes, you almost feel awkward reaching out to them out of the blue. The thing about being a friend is that sometimes you have to make an effort. Even if you have lost touch, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t miss you as much as you do them.
Likely, your unresponsiveness might have made them think that you were too busy or no longer interested. Don’t assume they haven’t contacted you for any other reason than the reason you haven’t contacted them. The worst that can happen is that they aren’t responsive. And at that point, if you have nothing to lose, you still have nothing to lose!
Have a Get Together
Remember the days when you would just have people over for a drink after work? COVID has really changed the way that we interact with the world around us. But it doesn’t have to! There are still many things that you can invite people to do.
Maybe they can’t sit in your kitchen and have a drink, but you can meet them out at the local outdoor patio bar or have an outdoor get together. And while you are inviting people, make sure to let them know they can bring whoever they want. Making friends is about being open to the idea of the “more the merrier.” Just one friend can quickly turn into a slew of them pretty quickly.
Invite Yourself Along
One of the worst feelings is seeing something on social media that has all of your co-workers or previous acquaintances joining somewhere and realizing they didn’t include you. But don’t ever assume that you weren’t invited. A lot of the time people just do impromptu things and don’t really think much into it or go through the list of people they like.
If you hear someone is having a get together, be bold and invite yourself along. Let’s be honest, no one is going to say “ah.. no you can’t come along” and even if they do, then honestly, you don’t really want to be friends with them. But even if you fail at first, keep trying. Persistence is the key to making friends along with not taking anything personal or assuming intent behind how people behave.
Volunteer
People who volunteer are happier and healthier than those who don’t according to research. So find a charity that does some good work and get at it! Volunteering is not only a great way to give back and to feel good about yourself, it is also an amazing way to meet other like-minded do-gooders.
And the thing about volunteering is that it will also give you a perspective on what misfortune looks like. It is super easy to feel badly about where we are in life, until we see people who are really suffering. Not having friends is a problem that has an easy fix. Maybe seeing things that aren’t fixable will give you a little courage to put yourself out there and make the best of the blessings you have been given.
Join an Online Friend Forum
I know, dating sites are kind of like riding a moped; they are super exciting, but you don’t want any to see you on them. There are a ton of new apps that allow you to meet people in your area, and they don’t necessarily all stem from dating.
Many apps out there help to connect you with people in your area due to different things like relocating, or being too busy to really be social. You have no problem friend requesting people on your social media, reach out and friend someone in real life and commit to doing more than just posting pictures – meet them out somewhere for real contact.
Go Somewhere Alone – Oh the Horror!
When I was young I remember seeing people who were eating in a restaurant alone or were at the movies all by themselves and thinking how sad it was that they were doing it on their own. The thing about making friends is that you can’t really convince someone that you are worthy of them liking you if you don’t like yourself.
Go somewhere alone, purely because you can. Belly up to the bar and get some happy hour drinks, or get lunch at your favorite place to eat during the busiest time. It isn’t just about getting comfortable with being alone, which is a total plus, the more you spend time on your own, likely, the more you will find that there is nothing tragic about not being the most popular person that you know!
The Rule of You Only Need One
One rule that has stuck hard and fast in my head is that you truly only need one friend. I know it is really hard to look around at people who have an endless stream of people to call up and hang out with and to know that you only have one or maybe two, but friendship isn’t in the quantity it is in the quality.
The next time you feel as if you don’t have any friends, evaluate if you really don’t have any friends, or if you are being selective about who you want to spend your time with. We have become so conditioned to think that popularity means that you are a good person and people like you, but superficial friendships are nothing but empty.
You can have a hundred friends, but if none of them have your back or are there when you really need them, then you really are friendless. As hard as it is to let the notion go that having friends means that you have a long list of contacts, the reality is that if you have just one good and true friend, you are well ahead of about 80% of the population.
Don’t go Changing!
The key to finding friends is to be yourself. Sometimes you can feel estranged in a group of people because you don’t feel like you are really being “you.” If you aren’t being your genuine self or putting the real you out there, then you won’t ever be able to form the type of lasting bonds that it takes to feel fulfilled and connected.
If people don’t like you for who you are, what you believe in, or what you stand for, then that is on THEM, not you! You can’t control how other people feel or what they do, but you can’t control who you want to be and what you want to show to the world. It might take a while to find someone to connect to, but if you put the true you out there, then when you do, your friendships will be true and lasting, not superficial and unfulfilling.
Work it!
Making friends is not a once and one proposition. Once you have a friend, it takes work, like any relationship to remain friends. Make a special point to foster the relationships that you create and not lose touch.
A quick note to say “hi,” or a message to ask how they are doing will go a very long way to forming a deeper bond and creating a friendship that will outlast the various stages that you will go through in your lifetime. Keep working it and you will find that the energy you put out will come back tenfold!
Consider Every Connection as Important
Sometimes we reserve putting ourselves out there to find someone that we think will be fun or make our lives full. That is kind of like sitting on the bench at the dance. You might not fit right with every person you meet, and they might not be your BFF, but every person that you open yourself up to has something to contribute and for you to learn from.
Don’t reserve yourself only for those people you deem what you think you want. You might be surprised to find that the wallflower is the one that gets you and makes life more fun than you could imagine – keep your options open and you will find many people to lighten your life.
It was hard enough to stay connected to the people around us pre-COVID and now with all the new challenges of social distancing, we are all feeling a little disconnected. Although social media is a great way to buy the time and feel as if you are not alone, sometimes it is the very thing that is making you feel so isolated.
Make this new year a year full of letting your guard down and putting yourself out there. If you go outside of your comfort zone and don’t put up barriers to meeting people, you will never have to say “I don’t have friends” again. Now is the time to open up, let people in, and find fulfillment in being connected outside of a mobile device. You have a lot to give and to gain from letting go of the fear that is keeping you friendless.
